I hate porn. I find it dull and uninteresting. If I want to see people having sex, well, I never want to see people having sex, but there are better places to go about seeing people having sex. I might never post how I know this.

I was exposed to porn at a very early age. I think I was 9 or 10 when I found my step-father’s copies of Penthouse. It  gave me really warped ideas of sexuality, because I didn’t even know about sex yet.

I don’t remember my mother ever having the sex talk with me, but I remember hearing from her over and over that I’d be pregnant and have to drop out of high school. CONSTANTLY.

It didn’t take a lot of intelligence to know that the way to not get pregnant in high school was TO NOT HAVE SEX IN HIGH SCHOOL. So I didn’t. I’ve discussed my intense fear of ever being pregnant, yes?

Once I became an adult, I experimented with a lot of different things sexually. Sex is an awesome thing, but I’ve always used protection and I’ve stayed on the pill, and I haven’t looked at porn.

I moved to Colorado without knowing a single person here. My singlehood was noticed by a coworker, and I was set up with RH.

R was a nice guy. Computer Engineer. Stable job. Our first date was a group date at the Renaissance Festival. We hit it off.

R was a little…. stiff. He wanted to wait for marriage to have sex. I liked him, so I was okay with this.

We dated for 2 years.

At some point in our relationship, R had to go out of town on business and asked me to stay at his house to watch his dog. Sure. Only, when the time came, his house was FREEZING. I’d brought pajamas, but was still cold. So I went into his closet to find a sweater or sweatshirt.

I found a 3 foot tall stack of porn magazines. It was disgusting. For a man who professed to feel that sex was something so precious it could only happen during marriage, it was incredibly hypocritical.

It also was a huge trigger for so many things in my life. All the way back to finding the porn in my house. And I was fucking angry. Here I was leading a life of abstinence because my partner so strongly believed in it, but he obviously was okay with porn.

We broke up for a little while, and then I made a huge mistake. I TOOK HIM BACK.

After that, we kept dating, and started talking about getting married. Oh, Jesus. I have made some poor choices.

But let’s talks Moms. His mother really hated my guts. So much so that when R said he wanted to marry me, she threatened to disown him. Oh, yes.
He chose his mother. I think that says a lot about a person.

My internet searching tells me that he’s married, which means he’s finally gotten laid. Thank God it wasn’t me.